An excerpt

Here lies an excerpt of an essay I wrote last semester. I love it for how it encapsulates my poetic language with my passion for essays.

"For the first time in years, I feel calm in the presence of another person. Lying in my bed in the morning light—she wakes me up to hear the birds sing. I am not a morning person, but for her I wonder if I can be. 

I feel calm like the first sip of my favorite wine when it seeps into my bloodstream, my heart pumping warmth through my veins. I drink Cabernet Sauvignon like my mother because we like stark dryness and a slight burn down the throat. Like the pleasure I find when my tears start to build up. The harshness of truth has beauty to it too. 

Cabernet Sauvignon is a natural cross between Cabernet Franc and Sauvignon Blanc. Red and white. Maybe that’s why I resonate with it so much. I always feel like I am in between identities.  

The truth is, it’s been so long since I have felt this warmth, I thought maybe I dreamt it in a half-drunk dream of better times. I let my dreams go and let reality take hold, but how can I conform to a society that doesn’t want me? 

I am stuck in the dichotomy of loves that pull my heart strings in opposite directions. 

I’ve spent the past few years feeling safe under the wrap of arms born to take care of a woman. No stolen glances, no fear of finding out. Feeling safe doesn’t mean feeling happy. It was easy because I knew it wasn’t real. A child playing house with blankets as walls—not built to last."